By Marco Del Monte
Shabbat Teshuvah
In our parashah we find a verse that invites reflection: "Al ki ein Elok-ai bekirbi metzauni haraot haele" – "Because my G-d is not within me, these misfortunes have found me." The Sages note a subtlety: it does not say "there is no G-d in the world", but "He is not within me".
G-d does not disappear: it is I who have not made room for Him. The problem is not outside, it is inside. One of Hashem’s names is Makom—the Place, as if to say Hashem is Omnipresent. The human heart is never left empty: it is either inhabited by G-d, or by something else. When I state “Elok-ai, He is not inside me”, I create a void that lets in anxiety, idolatry, madness. This is why the Talmud teaches: “A man does not sin unless a spirit of madness enters him” (Sotah 3a). Yet the Torah tells us: “Ve’asu li mikdash veshachanti betocham” – “And they shall make Me a Sanctuary and I will dwell among them”. Not “in it”, but “in them”: every Jew is a living temple. The soul is a chelek Elokà mimaal, a part of Hashem (kiviachol), a divine spark. “Elok-ai bekirbi” is not an illusion, it is the deepest reality. But when one feels emptied out, Hashem shows us a path: Teshuvah. The Haftarah proclaims: “Shuvah Yisrael ad Hashem Elokecha” – “Return, O Israel, to the Lord your G-d”. Teshuvah is not only man’s return to G-d, but also – as Rabbi Nachman of Breslov explains in Likutey Moharan – the return of G-d into man. There is a Teshuvah of the people (in 49 levels), and a supreme Teshuvah, the fiftieth, which is the very return of the Divine Presence. Not just Teshuvah, but Teshuv H’—The Return of Hashem (Kiviachol): bringing the Shekhinah back into the heart. This is why Shabbat Teshuvah teaches us that return is not a solitary gesture of man, but an encounter: I return to G-d and G-d returns to me. The concealment of His “face” is only a way of telling us: “Seek Me, I am waiting for you around the corner of the heart”. This doubt about the presence of Hashem within us also appears elsewhere. After the Exodus from Egypt, Israel asked: “Hayesh Hashem bekirbenu im ayin?” – “Is G-d among us or not?”. Immediately Amalek came to attack. Amalek stems from inner doubt, from the cooling down and the void that is created when you stop believing that G-d dwells within you. The great commentator Sforno highlights a further danger in this verse: when a man thinks that the Shekhinah has withdrawn from within us, when that feeling of feeling flawed overwhelms him, there is the risk of falling into discouragement and concluding: “It is no longer worth either praying or doing Teshuvah”. In other words, demoralisation becomes a worse obstacle than sin itself. It is the inner voice whispering: “It’s no use anyway”. But Shabbat Teshuvah overturns this logic: precisely because you feel far away, pray. Precisely because you think G-d is no longer inside you, seek Him: you will discover that He was there, hidden, waiting for you. Perhaps this is what the dynamism of the terms used in the Parashah teaches us: “Vayelech” – “And he went”. Teshuvah, on the other hand, means “to return”. Two movements that seem opposite: going and returning. In reality, they are the two poles of Jewish life. One must always go forward, grow, undertake new paths, but also return to the centre, bring G-d back within oneself. If there is only going without returning, one gets lost; if there is only returning without going, one gets stuck. Shabbat Teshuvah teaches us to harmonise the two movements: walking and returning, living with Hashem at the centre. Life, like Teshuvah, is never a linear path. It is made of ups and downs, of steps forward and steps back, of falls and recoveries. There is no growth without movement, and there is no authentic movement without the ability to return to the centre. Such is Teshuvah: a continuous going and returning, like the beating of the heart. Sometimes we feel close, sometimes far away; sometimes G-d seems to dwell within us, sometimes hidden. But this very alternation is the very melody of life. Vayelech and Teshuvah teach us that ups and downs are not a contradiction, but the breath of existence. And if even in moments of emptiness we know how to say: “Elohai bekirbi” – “G-d is inside me” – then we will discover that every ascent and every descent, every step forward and every return, bring us closer, in different ways, to the heart of Hashem. Shabbat Shalom
Translated from the Italian with Google Gemini. The Italian text is the original.